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Who Says You Gotta Get a Gimmick?

8/16/2013

1 Comment

 
So last night people paid to see me take my clothes off on stage.  (The video is at the bottom of this blog)

That was new.   I mean, I’ve certainly been a performer for 37 of my 40 years, and I certainly have an exhibitionist streak, but let’s face it:  under the glamour and makeup, there’s 257 lbs of ginger bear (at least, according to Weightwatchers this week.)  And, well, at least there would be if my life as a drag queen didn’t mean that I’m never as furry as I could/would/should be.

The point is, many fat men have body issues, and I am certainly no exception.  Getting onto a stage and bouncing around in relative nudity, in front of an audience, and getting paid to do it is never something that I would have imagined myself doing.  Or is it?

I’m a drag queen.  I’m one of the busiest non-professional drag queens I know, and as my reign as Empress of New York was wrapping down last year, I had two thoughts.  The first was, “GOD, I’m tired.”   The second was, “What’s Next?”  The answer may be: burlesque.

Now, I’ll confess:  despite being a lifelong performer, burlesque is a new thing to me.  The creation of Witti Repartee was an ADDED layer, one which Michael could hide under/behind/underneath and play this aging, multi-husbanded, never-quite-made-it soubrette.  The glamour of Witti and her life have allowed the fat unpopular boy underneath to have the A-List experiences, the spotlight, the friends and the access that I would never have thought possible..nor would have had any entre into.  Over the last couple of years, whether at Folsom Street East, or at Leather Competitions, or with the Boys of Bearlesque, or even on her annual trip to Lexington, KY, where she hosts stripper shows at a downtown bar, she’s had the opportunity to tease and show a more sexual side, but still with the veneer of “Michael's under here, you can’t touch him.”

That all started to change last year when I attended Robin Byrd’s opening night at The Cutting Room.  I’d met Robin  years ago on Fire Island, and had bumped into her several times around town at events and such.  Though Witti went as a private citizen, and not in any official capacity with the Imperial Court, there’s always an invisible crown on your head during your reign.  My friend and I sat with columnist Michael Musto, and were pleasantly surprised by a shout-out from Robin during her act.  One of her guest performers that night was Go-Go Harder, who I refer to as the King of Boylesque, and I was transfixed.  Over the next few months, my partner and I went to another performance of Go-Go’s, one of Dita von Teese’s and started to get a taste for modern burlesque.  Who could know that one Thursday night toward the end of my reign we’d be playing pool at The Stonewall Inn just before a performance of Homo Erectus was about to begin…we decided to go upstairs to the show, and the world got a little bigger.

Witti isn’t shy, but Michael can be.  My amazing partner and I went upstairs, into a crowd where we barely knew a soul, and sat together watching the show.  We were incognito, but were sensing a community here that knew each other, liked each other, applauded creativity and supported each other’s power and passion.  Oh, and there were people taking their clothes off.  So, I did what I do and introduced myself to a couple of folks, mostly because they were cute and I get flirty, but also because I was intrigued by what they were doing on stage.  There’s a big difference between seeing someone on a stage at a venue like the Cutting Room or the Gramercy Theatre and seeing them onstage at Stonewall.  It’s a question of accessibility.  (Well, it’s also about the size of the cover charge and the paycheck, but that’s a different story.)  Everyone onstage that night at Homo Erectus was engaged with the audience.  Sure, there were varying levels of performance, but there was heart.  Oh, and again, nudity.   So, via quick introductions that night, and through some friendly Facebook over the next couple of days, I started chatting with that evening’s host (Scary Ben), the producer (Matt Knife), and some of the performers (Lucky Charming, Lewd Alfred Douglas).  I visited Bushwick to see Scary Ben and his troupe, found some of these folks at political rallies and marches, and in a strange ‘worlds coming together’ moment, started seeing them and working with them at The Will Clark Show.

Okay, so now I had a pile of new friends who were all doing interesting, creative work, performing, enjoying themselves, building names and reputations, and fomenting a community throughout.  And what a community:  When everyone is focused on creative expression, and you’ve got a highly charged sexual atmosphere, you’d never expect to find what I did:  male, female, trans, gay, straight, bi, those who wear labels like a beer bottle, and those who eschew them equally are cool with each other.  Their lives, their choices, their lifestyles.  I’m an old theatre queen:  I’ve changed in dressing rooms with people for years, and as I said, a bit of an exhibitionist.  But this world, where it was all ABOUT sexuality, was different.  People were still changing next to each other, boobs out here, butts out there…and it was all okay.  And it was all okay no matter HOW you were built: very skinny, stockier, some with big parts here, some with small parts there.  There was a decided lack of judgement.

As I got to know this community, I wanted to test the waters and see if we had a shared world in common.  I was working on the Leather Pride Night Committee and was tasked with helping to find entertainment:  I immediately reached out to Matt Knife and Viktor Devonne (of NJ’s White Elephant Burlesque Society) and asked if they’d bring some of their respective troupes to perform.  They said yes immediately.  I hosted Will Clark’s Bad Boys on the Hudson cruise this year, and again got a chance to work with some of these amazing folks…and then it came.  The first invitation.

Oscar Wilde’s Bachelor Party.  I was asked to play Lady Bracknell and perform a number in the show.  It wasn’t a burlesque number, but a foil to that: dressed in black velvet, mocking, judging and I loved every minute of it.  But the scarier challenge was ahead:  an actual burlesque performance.  One where I had to take off my clothes and embrace the fat unpopular boy underneath.

It’s funny how the world works and changes.  Getting to know the members of this community personally:  hanging out with them in the rehearsal, visiting with them after each other’s shows, having drinks one-on-one, really makes you start to think, “If they can do this, why can’t I?”  But it’s also in a true community where you feel the amazing love and support that gives you the strength to try.   And I always love a new challenge, I love to surprise people, I love to bring elements into performances that are new for me, for my audience.  When I pitched the idea for my very first number to Matt Knife, he was enthusiastic and embraced it, and now I faced the scariest piece of it:  there was a date on the calendar and my name on a flyer.  Like it or not, I had a job to do.

But WHAT to do?  I’m a broadway baby, not a traditional burlesque bump-n-grinder, nor a modern burlesque camp queen.  My stock in trade has been singing, not stripping…and what would it look like for Witti to strip?  Bodysuit with tassles?  Rhinestoned fishnets?  And then it hit me:  this was a number for both sides of my world.  For years I’d been talking about wanting to do the song “A Little More Mascara” from La Cage aux Folles, which in the show takes Albin from depressed man through the application of makeup, hair and clothing into the fabulous Zaza.  What if…?   What if I reversed the song, and instead of being a tired man who only gets a thrill when he gets into drag I were a tired and jaded drag queen who wanted… needed… CRAVED…to be loved for the man underneath?  And the number was born.  I’d change a few lyrics and make the song about a little LESS Mascara, and instead of lines like “and then this ugly duckling is a swan” I’d sing “and then this little drag queen is a bear!”  It was going to work.

Now, all I had to do was figure out how to turn a 4 minute and 47 second song into a full blown strip number. 

The start:  Complete coverage of my own body:  if this were going to work, I wanted to preserve as much of Michael’s own body and body hair as possible.  I entered in an evening gown with a shawl covering the top portion of my body.  I started the number traditionally, pulling off one rhinestoned glove and then the other.  I felt the audience anticipating something different, but when I got to the line, “So whenever I feel my place in the world is beginning to crash, I REMOVE one stroke of mascara with my rather thick upper lash” I slowly pulled of my left false eyelash.

I’ve always said, and most queens I know will agree with me, that there’s one piece of the transformation when it all clicks into place. For some it’s hair, for some, shoes, for others tits, but for me, it’s always been the lashes.  I’m still Michael until they get glued on, and I’m Witti until they come off.

When the first one came off, I felt a wall of energy from the audience hit me:  they loved it.  They got it.  And they started to wonder, “Where’s she going with this?  OMG, is she?”  And she did.  Off came the second lash.  As the first verse picked up speed, I picked up babywipes and a mirror, scrubbing at my face as I sang the next lines, saving my lipstick for last and the word “Beautiful.”  

With the face off, the shoes followed, and then the wig, and then the shawl.  It was time for the big moment, and the make-or-break for me.  Our fabulous stage butler discreetly reached from behind the curtain, pulled down the zipper on the dress while I sang and I got to use that moment to prepare for the reveal: The line, “When Albin is tucked away and Zaza is here” became “When Witti is stripped away and Michael is here,” and I dropped the gown to the floor, revealing my bustier and a bright blue jockstrap. 

Too late to turn back, the next lines got rid of the fake boobs and then teased the audience with my butt…ripping off the bustier and the earrings completed the transition, and there Michael was: no wig, no makeup, no dress, no jewelry, no shoes…nothing but a bear in a jockstrap.  But the energy pouring onto the stage from the audience, who were with me the entire time, was phenomenal.  I wasn’t a fat naked man on a stage.  I was a bear in a jockstrap, owning my body, owning my soul and sharing the experience of emotionally and physically tearing away all the trappings until it was just me, telling a story.

I didn’t need the layers of Witti between me and my audience.   Authenticity is all, and last night I honored myself with sheer honesty.   I didn’t put makeup on blemishes, I didn’t go to the gym ten minutes before, it was the embodiment of Albin’s next song in La Cage:  “I Am What I Am.”  Michael may not have the glitz and glamour, but in truth, he IS Witti, and she is him.  The personality is the same, just heightened.  It’s like the difference between street and stage makeup:  it enhances.

So, it’s true.  I took my clothes off for a paying audience and left them wanting more.  Which is great.  But seeing pictures of me dancing in the finale as Michael make me realize that my decision to go to weightwatchers is also correct.  I’m not happy with how heavy I am.  But I don’t need to be thinner for anyone else but me.  The audience last night gave me full approval to be exactly who I am, where I am and how I am.

And some days, that’ll be in a gown with a wig and lots of jewelry, because truth be told, Witti’s not going anywhere.  But Michael doesn’t have to go anywhere either and that knowledge makes me stronger, makes her stronger and feels really, really good.

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I Miss the Muppets.

11/24/2011

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So it's Thanksgiving.  One of the things that Kerry and I have done for years is volunteer for / at God's Love We Deliver, followed by lunch and then usually a ridiculous dinner and a movie, leaving our own Turkey plans for Friday.  This year is no different.

However, today, children's television station "The Hub" was showing the three worst pieces of Muppet movie trash, "Muppet Treasure Island,"  "Muppets from Space," and "A Muppet Christmas Carol."  We were watching bits and pieces of them, mostly in anticipation of our annual Thanksgiving Night movie excursion, this time to see "The Muppets," Disney's attempt to reboot the franchise.

Now, a little bit of history and backstory.  I was born in 1973, which puts me smack in the target audience for "The Muppets."  I am right in the middle of generation X, saw "The Muppet Movie" in the theatres in 1979, danced as Kermit with a Miss Piggy in first grade to "The Rainbow Connection," and was young enough to experience the Muppets for the first time with a child's eyes.  I didn't understand the camp, the satire, the multiple layers until later, but I always understood that at the very heart of the, there was a message of hope, of creativity and of fitting in to the world around you while maintaining your individuality.   When I was 9, I drove my parents crazy to get me a Miss Piggy Puppet for Christmas, and then crazier trying to find hair accessories for it.  (Should i have known THEN that I was destined to be a drag queen? Probably.)  A singing Miss Piggy delivered balloons to the office where I was working the summer I turned 16.   I have ALWAYS cried at the finale of that first movie ("Life's like a movie/write your own ending/keep believing/keep pretending...").   One night about a dozen years ago, I met a new friend who immediately seemed like a soulmate. After several hours of conversation, I said to  him,  unironically, "There's not a word yet for old friends who've just met."  He got a look in his eyes and raced back to his bedroom and returned with the framed lyric from "I'm Going To Go Back There Someday," Gonzo's song which I had just quoted.

Needless to say, I have always felt a deep, deep connection to the Muppets.  When Jim Henson died, I was devastated, but never more so than the TV special several years later where the Muppets were looking for Kermit.  In the last moments of that special, he entered and spoke for the first time without Jim Henson's voice and i bawled like a baby.

Tonight sitting in the theatre watching "The Muppets" I was very glad that i had extra napkins, because I relied on them frequently:  When Kermits photo wall had a picture of him in Jim's arms;  when the cast started backing up Kermit and Piggy on an ensemble version of "Rainbow Connection,"  and just about a dozen other times.

I AM the target audience for "The Muppets."  The running theme of this movie involves trying to recapture the magic that the gang used to have.   In some subtle way, they're saying "Back in the 70's, we knew what we were doing.  Since Jim died, we've been floundering.  We sold ourselves to some German company, and they sold us to Disney, and neither of them had figured out what made us so special back in the days of The Muppet Show."  And they'd be right.  But I can tell you what made them so special:

The Muppets have ALWAYS referenced a kinder, simpler time. In the 1970's, we were at war in Vietnam, we were in the middle of a crumbling recession, national pride was in the toilet, our government was floundering. There's a great joke where Kermit pulls out his rolodex and tries to call President Carter.  Well, the Muppet Show was always vaudeville, in the 1970's a throwback to the 20's, today a throwback to the colorful halcyon days of the 1970's.  We've let things get too serious again.  We've forgotten that when we all work together, we can accomplish miracles.  When I ran for Empress, I used the platform of "Community, Camp and Collaboration."  What are the Muppets if not a shining beacon of all three of those concepts?

Let's learn from new muppet Walter (who can be a manly  muppet, while his brother can be a muppetish man).  We can accomplish amazing things if we just try.  Let's learn from Kermit and Piggy, who look at each other like Amanda and Elyot in Private Lives and realize that while they may occasionally make each other miserable, they have a love that can survive ages.  Let's look at Gonzo, who although he is a rich and famous plumber, still wears The Great Gonzo's jumpsuit under his pinstripes.  Let's learn from Scooter, who within a beat changes from "I don't go onstage!" to the host of the Muppet Telethon.  And let's learn from the producers of "The Muppets," who although they kept Rowlf (as the true alter-ego of Jim Henson) silent for years, brought him back as if to say, "Jim's spirit, his laugh-at-ourselves-first perspective and his sense that we ALL fit in, even as we are all individuals" was missing, but it's back.

I'm still emotional from having seen this movie, and that may be silly.  But it's making me reconnect with a more colorful time when we all worked together, when we all problem-solved our way out of crisis, and when we all put on rose-colored glasses, not because we were naive, but because the world was a little bit prettier that way.

I AM the target audience for "The Muppets"...but so are you.  And so are we all. 
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An Absolut-ly Fabulous Weekend of WOW!

11/23/2011

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It's hard to say, "What a weekend!" from the point of view of a rainy Wednesday morning. Which weekend? Which direction are we talking?

In this case, I'm talking about this past weekend, it was a blur of activity and energy and moved so quickly that I barely had time to notice what was going on, much less blog about it!

We started immediately after work on Friday night, where after a lovely conversation with Alex Bartlett at Planet Pepper (where I should pay rent I paint my face there so often!), I headed down to Splash for Absolut-ly OUTrageous,  a celebration of 30 years of Absolut Vodka.  Being quite a connoisseur of their entire product line, I was more than capable of carrying on conversations with their team, to thank them for their ongoing support of the Imperial Court of New York, and to serve as decorative art for many of their other guests.  The court turned it out, led by Emperor Vanity Society, Emperor XIV and XVIII Tony Monteleone, Empress XIX Robin Kradles, my darling Imperial Husband to Be Ritz Kraka, Viscountess Doris Dear, Viscount Jim Darling and later even Empress XXI B and Princess Royale Angela Mercy!

It was a lovely event.  It required me to schmooze, chat, talk, opine and drink Absolut products.  I excel at all of those.  I even met some fabulous new people, and attending a matinee of Private Lives today with one of them!!

So, my Absolut Pairings:

Absolut Citron:  With Cranberry, Cointreau and Rose's Lime Juice for a Cosmopolitan.
Absolut Mandarin:  Perfect with Tonic and a Lime!
Absolut Vanilla:  Mix with Diet Coke for a flashback to a kinder, gentler era! (I was told that it was "Very old school!"
Absolut Wild Tea:  I like it with Seltzer and Lemon
Absolut Pears:  No other way except with Sugar Free Red Bull! Gives you pear shaped wings all night!
Absolut Peach: Mix with Orange Juice for a hint of a hairy navel!
Absolut Peppar:  Mmmm...Tomato Juice and Bloody Marys!

How do you like YOUR Vodka?

Saturday, my partner and I went to see the new Broadway musical "Bonnie and Clyde."  (I won tickets in a charity auction, so I have every right to comment.)  Don't bother.  I went to see it so you didn't have to.  No, truly.  It wasn't even good-bad, it was insulting and banal.  The performers were all working their tushies off, and were all technically proficient, but the show was ugly to look at, ugly to listen to, and I feel like our conundrum at intermission ("shall we escape now?") was answered badly as we stayed for the rest of the show.

Sunday was a blast:  The day started with a Court Performance for LifeBeat's "Hearts and Voices" program at Friends' House in NYC.  My good friend Annie is the Executive Director, so it was going to be a lot of fun, and was.  The audience loved the show, which was about half filled with live singing and half with some really fantastic camp.  Thanks to Doris Dear, Victoria Falls, Madeka, Fanny Fondue, Nick E. Lodeon, Viagra Falls and special guest Amazing Grace, along with Miguel, Greco, Giovanni and Audra on special greeting duty!  Then it was time to RACE home, take off the face, eat a pizza, take a nap, get up and start all over again to hit

The Glammy Awards @ Splash!  (You know my activity level is gearing up. Sometimes I'm at Splash two or three times a year, last week alone I was there thrice!!)  Fabulous evening filled with the glitterati of nightlife.  No, the Imperial Court of New York did not win (again), but we had a great time, and it's always an honor to be nominated.  Great fun with Emperor Vanity and Empress Pepper, the handsome Ritz Kraka, the amazing Zondra Foxx, the stunning Giovanka di Medici, the fabulous Louie G, the adorable Aaron "Lucky Bitch" McQueen and the assembled throngs of nightlife royalty!

It was a weekend filled with opportunities that asked us to fit in by standing out -- and that's what makes this adventure so fantastic.  Finding the balace, creating a character and barrelling forth into a very mixed crowd...while being able to speak and / or relate to people from every cross section of the population you can. 

Now, it's onto Thanksgiving at God's Love We Deliver...and what am I going to wear???

xo
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You Only Have One First Time

11/18/2011

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Get your minds out of the gutter...I'm not talking about that...although it will be pretty orgasmic!

Last night I sat down with Chris Crouch, one of the Imperial Court of New York's jewelers (he produces things under the MOANS label, so perhaps the headline is still right!) to talk about the new jewelry for my coronation walk.  As generous as he is creative, Chris and I talked about size, color, scale, impact from the audience point of view.  I brought him photos of jewelry that I admired, talked about what aspects of the pieces stood out to me, and whether it was a matter of quality or size that appealed to me.

Wow.  Shopping for jewelry IS like sex!

In any case, we're on track to make some jewelry that's going to be beautiful, elegant and of a shade and color not seen on a Empress at Coronation in quite some time...I'm very pleased with where that conversation went, and excited to see how it goes.  The next step is to bring the whole team into the same conversation so that gown, hair and jewelry are all working at the same purpose.  (Have I mentioned how much I love the designers I work with?  Alex Bartlett for Planet Pepper is making the gown; Izzy Decauwert is on hair, and with Chris on jewelry, I know I'm in amazing hands.

But that's sort of what the first time should be like, shouldn't it?  Exciting and new, and yet with a sense of safety and comfort and a feelign that no one is going to treat you badly or do wrong by you.

That's sort of the way that I'm feeling right now about a lot of the preparations:  the people that are surrounding me are amazing, I've got amazing friends ready to help at a moment's notice, an amazing Imperial Crown Prince Royal in Ritz Kraka.  I'm looking forward to my Imperial Wedding Night with all of the joy and bliss of someone who knows she's had years to plan, all the excitement of someone going at it for the first time, and all of the inherent nervousness that the responsibility brings.

But it's all good, and I'm enjoying each moment along the way, savoring it, because there's only one first time to discuss your coronation jewelry.

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Posterior or Posterity?

11/16/2011

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So tell me...will I end up doing something that will be remembered?  Or will I just end up an ass? 

I've been a performer since I was old enough to smile -- parents met onstage, I was onstage at 2, performing in community theatre regularly by 7, and later writing, directing and acting.  Through it all, music has been an important piece of the picture: I started piano lessons as soon as my feet could reach the pedals, took formal voice lessons for a few years in high school and college, and have been singing onstage, with organizations like the NYC Gay Men's Chorus and around the piano at the Monster for 25 years.

Until September, I'd also been SMOKING for 25 years.  And in 2003, had my tonsils out.  Since then, my attempts to sing legitimately have been far and few between, and my voice has sunk into a lazy Brenda Vaccaro-style baritone. But I was always a tenor, and most of my material was starting to feel wrong for my voice.

So this week, at the recommendation of a friend, I started a conversation with teacher, coach and director Rob LaRocca (www.roblaroccamusic.com) to see what it would take to scour the rust off my brass pipes.  Well, let's just say that within an hour of working with him, the top of my range was saying 'hello!' again, and after a second hour, i was hitting high B's. Wow!  Let's see what it takes to develop my confidence and my consistency.  I've remembered a lot of the technique and the theory, but it's about putting it back into practice, and then seeing what we do with it.

I know Witti will be singing a lot during the reign, but what after?  Time to mount "Witti Repartee: Falling in Love...again." or time to reimagine what a one-woman show would look like for a man...possibilities abound.

I'd love to hear your thoughts and suggestions for songs and routines and help to make the next year fun for all of you as well!

xoxo

W.
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My Glittering World!

11/16/2011

1 Comment

 
So many amazing things have already begun happening to me on my journey toward Empress XXVI of the Imperial Court of New York, so I thought: why not blog about it?  Let's create a permanent record (well, as permanent as any digital media will be!) of what I'm thinking, feeling, hoping and doing!  Maybe someone will even read it!

At the very least, it will be a way that I remember the year, that I look back in reference on what we did, with whom we did it, and how much trouble resulted.

So, we're off and running. (Or rather, we will be, once I learn how to publish this damn thing -- the first post went somewhere out into the ether!)

Always feel free to comment, question and suggest!  But let's keep it positive, kids -- this work is hard enough without tearing each other down.
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